When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
