I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We left the knife in your bed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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