I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
