i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
