Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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