im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
