Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
