I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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