Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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