ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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