yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
