i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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