my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
