dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
