I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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