sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No subtext here. People are naked.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
