'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if only i could text you this smell
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Still dying that you shit outside
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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