I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
