Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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