he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
