I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
