all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
