why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
