To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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