is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
