You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
