Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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