Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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