He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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