This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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