Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
