Me too!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
