final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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