The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
where am i from again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
