Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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