oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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