I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
