one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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