So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
