I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
