i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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