So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
