Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
