Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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