i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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