Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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