The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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