I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
