Swine flu. Run for my life!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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