I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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