i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Of course I have a pirate flag
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
