I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
