I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
